Kym's Random Musings - Issue #1

Kym's Random Musings - Issue #1 - In Circulation #21

(Never short enough to be pointless, never more than 1,000 words)

6th May 2005

--- ISSUE #1 ---

Hi guys! I'm sitting here bored. A lot of you have commented to me that when we talk, I always find out a lot about you, yet you don't know much about me. I'm hoping this will give you some insight, and if I haven't scared you off by the random thoughts that cross my mind, I'll say hi to you the next time I see you!

As I sit here in a house, in the bush, with no internet and a T.V. that is insistent on displaying some questionable TV programs (SBS), I can't but wonder... would I make a good private detective? Well, not really, but it is somewhat lonely sitting here alone. It's getting dark, winter is coming and all I can see if my dog's nose butting itself against the many windows that surround this properly and my fat ducks waddling here and there around the dams. I'm listening to Kelis... and she's singing some freaky ghost music, man! I'm getting scared now! To add to my paranoia, why do the galas outside my window sound like screaming babies?

I had a heart-to-heart with a good friend last night on the phone (you know who you are), talking about... hem hem. I am now under the impression that if I was a girl, I'd be the biggest hem hem in the world. The topic of relationships came up and my ideal partner. For some reason, my version of my ideal partner sounds great, but when my friends repeat it to me, it sounds bad. With interjecting lines such as, "Someone so innocent that you can mould them," just sounds really wrong to me and makes me sound perverted.

I remember a time myself and a friend were driving around at 5 in the morning. We turned down a one-way street and there was this corner with a sign that said "turn right". Except there were literally thousands of these signs sticking up out of everywhere on the corner, each of them saying "turn right". Ever been in a situation where there's so much information that your brain cells cells commit suicide and you don't know what to do? That's what happened. I'm looking at the sign thinking, "Too many signs! Turn where?!", "Ahhhh!", "AHHHHHHHH!", "AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

I have a great family. We're really close. So close that we all know how to push each others buttons. For example, I will say to my mum, "Hey mum!" and I know she'll respond with, "What?" Then I know that if I say, "Oh nothing, never-mind," she'll spend the next fifteen minutes asking me what's wrong and that I can talk to her. I don't know if she realizes that I do that sometimes just to have fun. More recently, I decided to find out, so after the usual exchange, I asked her whether she knew that sometimes I just said that to watch her spend the next fifteen minutes desperately trying to find out if I had impregnated a girl, taken drugs or did a hit-and-run, to which she responded, "Well, if you are lying, you are going to hell." I was floored.

As bad as it sounds in writing, it always sounds alright when she says it. For example, when my mum is angry at me, she'll say things like, "I'm going to hang you off the roof by your ankles," or "I'm going to shave your head." Normally, if I found out a friend of mine was experiencing this, I'd assume he was being abused, very badly.

One of my good friends asked me if I would ever take part in a hem hem to which I replied hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem hem...

I think my finger is growing a tumor, or some ridiculously big growth on it. That... or callous from all the rock climbing I've been doing recently. I recall the first time I tried it, I would cling to the rock like I loved it to bits, mainly because I didn't want to fall so far and break both legs, an arm and a collar bone. Now it's more like, "Eff it... I'll just jump and hope the person belaying me will catch me..." Good times.

Did you know that if you have your tonsils removed, they can grow back?

Being out here is great. It allows for a lot of self-reflection. Do you sometimes find that you just sit there and think about nothing such as literally not having a thought in your head? And then someone comes along and asks you what you're thinking about... then you hastily make up something random like, "Skiing in underwear in the Himalayan mountains," for no apparent reason.

My little sister is so weird. She runs into my room in the morning and starts hitting me with pillows for no apparent reason.

OK, so tonight will be my first official night here alone. Let's see how it goes. The strange thing about this place is that it is very easy to wake up early whereas in the city, waking up is the biggest chore... interesting. Maybe it's all the galas and rabid possums in the morning that go, "SKREEEE!!!" that make me wake up thinking I'm having a heart attack.

--- THINGS I'VE LEARNED ---

Unless you want your girlfriend to physically attack you, never suggest that she join a gym.

Unless you want to lose your only contracting job for the next 6 months, never tell the lady of the house to eff off.

--- SELFLESS PROMOTION ---

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