Kym, Defender of the Internet

Written by: Pudding

Kym (the heavily-muscled defender of truth, justice, and the internet way) was hanging out on PPT, reading threads in Miscellaneous Discussion.

“Wow, there’s a giant hog in Alabama! And the sponsor for the pig's official site is sponsored by 'Barbeque Grills'... how much more country western Texas can you get?!” said Kym. “I must post about this! But wait...look at the picture thread!”

I have become evil, Wickednessa (formerly known as Nessa) wrote. Look at my new haircut and the giant robo-toaster I’m building. In a few short hours, I will destroy the city of Pinkopolis!

Kym hung his head. “I should have suspected when she asked for that name change.” However, he couldn’t feel guilty for long. He flew to Pinkopolis to try to find Wickednessa and stop her before she destroyed the world. There really wasn’t enough legroom, and the flight attendant kept rolling the beverage cart over his cape.

As soon as he cleared customs, he hailed a taxi. “Take me to the scene of Wickednessa’s crimes against humanity!”

The cabbie shrugged. “Okay, but it’s gonna cost ya out of town rates.”

The land became wilder and more ravaged as the cab moved further out of Pinkopolis. There were giant globs of margarine and massive slices of toast everywhere.

“Holy property damage, Kym! Wickednessa has started the giant robo-toaster again!” Superpudding said, riding up on her bike.

“She stopped it?”

“Yes, for a while. There were some cute cat macros taped to the window of one of the buildings she was about to destroy, and it seemed to distract her. As your faithful sidekick, I followed her.”

“When did I get a sidekick?” asked Kym.

“Remember how we saved that reporter from the horrors of publishing a column that didn’t mention how great you were? Well, ever since then I’ve wanted to fight injustices like that with you!” said Superpudding, dodging a giant crumb.

“How is this like that?”

“Hmmm...you’re right. It’s not really related at all.” With that, Superpudding left to go get tacos and consider a career in public relations.

Meanwhile, the giant robo-toaster destroyed the old mill, Farmer Jenkins’ tractor, and a few exurban McMansions. “Whatever shall we do?” cried an extra. “Wickednessa and her giant robo-toaster are much too powerful to be stopped!”

“Ah, that’s what you think, citizen! I know Wickednessa’s one weakness...the lolcats!”

Kym raised his hands to the sky and called on the forces of fluffiness and poor grammar. It began raining cats and captions. A little orange tabby wandered over to Wickednessa’s rampage. She paused, read his caption, and studied his pose.

“Yay! Kitties!” said Wickednessa. “Aww, look! He has an invisible boatmobile!” The giant robo-toaster was dismantled while Wickednessa loooked at the cute widdle kitties.

Thus, the day was saved!

Next: Moonlight Madness at The League of Ultra Mega Super Justice Associates!

Pudding went on to a career doing damage control and occasional hero work for The League of Ultra Mega Super Justice Associates.

Moongewl attempted to sabotage this article, but was thwarted.

Fiddelysquat 's heroic artistic efforts shall never be forgotten.

If you have any comments or suggestions about this article you are more then welcome to PM or email the author.