The Stephens Family Round Table: Episode I - The College Decision

Written by: Pudding and Lillie

Faith and Charity Stephens are twin sisters who disagree on most issues. They live in Imaginaryland and tend to make decisions together. Obviously, this leads to a great deal of debate.

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Faith: Charity, Charity, Charity! You won't believe what I've just found! It's the most soul-wrenching, gut-kicking, awe-inspiring college ever - it's the answer to all our questions! It makes my stomach go all a-flutter and my heart do somersaults - oh my my my!

Charity: That's great, Faith! I've got all the brochures from the places we're looking at right here. Which did you pick?

Faith: Oh, it's not in there. I found this leaflet in the letterbox this morning. Look! The Great Egalitarian College of Fellowship! (thrusts a leaflet under Charity's nose)

Charity: Uh, that's not one of the ones we were thinking about, Faith.

Faith: No, duh, Charity. Of couse it wasn't, but now it is!

Charity: Didn't we agree that we'd go somewhere that we both liked?

Faith: Yes, but you'll love this one! In fact, their whole educational philosophy is based on love! Love for all: men, women, children, the elderly, fluffy animals, non-fluffy animals, plants, rocks -

Charity: Rocks, Faith?

Faith: I know! Aren't they progressive? And you know that in an increasingly globalising world, you must have good understanding of other cultures. This is the perfect place in which we can comprehend other living and non-living beings.

Charity: Do rocks really have much to say these days?

Faith: You're concentrating an awful lot on rocks, Charity. I never knew you liked them so much. But you know, there are extroverts, and there are introverts. Rocks fall in the latter category.

Charity: You're right. Enough about rocks. But I thought you knew that I was leaning towards the Elizabeth Cady Stanton Institute for Women.

Faith: What, that women's college?

Charity: Yeah. They've produced more female senators than any other college in Imaginaryland.

Faith: Yes, and only female senators, I'd like to remind you.

Charity: Oh, come on, Faithy. Look at this list of majors here. They have Bunny Studies and Geology, but no Political Science.

Faith: Bunny Studies? Really? This gets better by the second! As for that Institute, Charity... it's just for women. The real world isn't just made for women. We should go somewhere that represents the real world. And how are you going to argue against all those male politicians if you don't have some practice in college?

Charity: Like college is even supposed to be an exact replica of the real world. How many places in real life have you been to that are full of people who are all the exact same age? And why can't I hone my skills arguing with women? Honestly, Faith, I just don't want to deal with the old boys' club.

Faith: The old boys' club, Char? What do you mean?

Charity: Oh, come on. You must've noticed how Mr. Johnson rolls his eyes whenever I raise my hand in Chemistry. He never does that to any of the guys.

Faith: That's because Mr. Johnson's sexist and we both know that. But it won't be like that in college, especially not one which promotes gender equality. You know what they say: you get to do the things you like in college without people raising an eyebrow, because there will be lots of other people like you. If you want to do Chemistry, you'll find lots of other guys and girls who will love Chem like you do. You get to follow your passions without anyone saying anything!

Charity: Remember when our older sister was visiting colleges and we tagged along? Even at that hippie place where she wound up, the guys did most of the talking. Also, do you seriously think that there'll be very many members of Future Business Leaders of Imaginaryland at the Institute for Rocky Bunnies?

Faith: The Great Egalitarian College of Fellowship, Char. Rocky bunnies wouldn't be very good for cuddling. And why won't there be any future business leaders there?

Charity: Because they're all going to schools that are geared toward careers, not...whatever the deal is at the Great Egalitarian College of Fellowship.

Faith: But... college should be more than just preparing you for a job. It's about trying new things out and finding out what you really like. It's also about finding out who you are as a person. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I want to meet lots of different people and find out as much as I can - and I don't think that a women's college is going to do that for me. There may be lots and lots of women, but what about finding out what guys think on certain things too?

Charity: Turn on Government TV. It's practically a 24-hour network of men's opinions. We'll be hearing the opinions of men for the rest of our lives. Personally, I'd just like to go someplace where I'm not the minority and it's not an issue. Women's colleges don't exist in an alternate dimension where there are no male professors and no men off-campus. I'd just like to see what it's like to go someplace where people aren't surprised that I like science.

Looking at the Great Egalitarian College of Fellowship's brochure, it must be an issue if they make such a big deal out of equality.

Faith: It sounds like you just don't like having male opinions being shoved down your throat and having your own ignored, but it's going to the other extreme to just listen to women's opinions. That's not very fair to the men either - and isn't that what you want? Fairness for women as well?

Charity: At any college in the world, I'm going to wind up reading textbooks written by men. I'm going to wind up learning from male professors. I might as well go somewhere where I at least know that they care about women succeeding.

Faith: As for the Great Egalitarian College... well, you may be right. We don't have to go to this one if you really don't want to, but it doesn't make sense to me to cut off all co-ed colleges just because a couple of them have gender equality issues. They're not representative of the whole population, after all, otherwise we might as well just choose any random women's college and you know that's not right. We should be judging colleges by their individual merit, not solely by whether they're co-ed or women only.

Charity: I know I shouldn't pick based entirely on gender--that wouldn't be right. But the Stanton Institute is a great place. It's in a lovely city, and I'd like to go there. I'll look at other places, but you're going to have a hard time changing my mind.

Faith: Can't we go to one where they care about individuals succeeding, regardless of whether they're male or female? And the Stanton Institute doesn't have as many artsy, career-irrelevant subjects as I'd like.

Charity: Maybe we should think about going to separate schools.

Faith: NO! NO! NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Charity: Well, I don't want to split up either, but we're not getting anywhere this way!

Faith: NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! (cries)

Charity: Okay...why don't we take a year off and join the Peace Corps and see what we think after that?

Faith: That's the best thing since chocolate chip vegan muffins!

Charity: Great!

Faith: Oh. Argh. Next year we'll end up having the same argument.

Charity: Probably, yeah. But we might learn something in that year that'll give us an answer. I don't know if there's any one right answer to this that works for two people--even twins. But I think we need to try and work it out.

Faith: And maybe... maybe we'll find some place which has the aspects we both like, although how we'll turn men into women I just don't know yet.

Charity: I'm not totally married to the idea of a women's college, but the Stanton Institute is my first choice right now. I think that we need to get out in the world and see what we need to learn before we decide where to learn it.

Faith: That sounds good. The Peace Corps it is, then!

Charity: Now, let's go get two Peace Corps applications and some of those muffins!