AIM to destroy good spelling and grammar

Written by: .:Chronically Depressed:. and Jellyfish72

I, .:Chronically Depressed:., and Jellyfish72 have uncovered a secret plot from the root of all evil- AOL Instant Messenger.

Note: This was written in AIM- any spelling/grammar errors... you'll know what's happened.

Editor's note: Everything above this note is edited. Everything below is not...hey! The authors wanted it that way! :P

We blame all spelling and grammer errors on AIM.

We all know that they read our messages. But, are they willing to stop there?

Do they secretly change random words in our Instant Messenges? Are they really evil? Is there a plot for AOL Instant Messanger to take over the world? This is what we hope to prove in this article.

Have any of you noticed typos after you press enter? Does your message show things that you haven't typed? This has happened to everyone. But, you're not forgetful. You're a victim of the new bringer of insanity, AIM.

CD spoke to the spokesperson for AOL who dismissed these claims profusely.

AOL Spokesperson - Alan Orville Larrington - "America Online would like to officially state that these are not true, we are not alien... I mean... editing your Instant Messages"

Now, we've all been victimized by these horrible offences. They're nearly as bad as being attacked by flaming were-vampires. We have taken a poll of AIM users, and have shown that 72.89% believe that AIM is the cause of their grammer and spelling problems, 34.83% believe that AIM is the reason they have chocolate cravings, and 83.5% believe AIM is the cause of their relationship problems.

These shocking results come at a time when there have been many complains that People are being abducted by AIM and are taken over by evil aliens who want them to kill all butterflies. These aliens are apparently killed by potatoes, so don't worry... unless you have no potatoes in your household.

This is what an alleged AIM abuctee said in an Interview with Jelly:

Andrew Ian Martins - "It was a dark cold night, I'd just finished talking to my best friend on AIM, KILL ALL BUTTERFLIES!!! KILL!!! KIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLL!"

The interview had to be terminated for fear of Jelly's life.

As part of our conspiracy theory, we will provide you with a guide to protecting yourself from these aliens.

We have found that potatoes work wonders if you throw them at them. Other good items are cupcakes and unexploding grenades.

That's the guide so far, we're trying to limit alien contact, so we don't know what else will work.

These aliens are known to attack butterflies, tigers, penguins , crane flies and Rhinoceros. We have yet to discover how to placate, tame, and train these aliens for the betterment of mankind. We aren't sure how they can better mankind, but, hey, it's worth a shot.

AIM officially state that they have no connection to these aliens.

At this point Jelly and CD agreed that there was no way that they could find out anything else without going undercover.

After a quick coin toss from CD's trusty double sided heads coin Jelly was sent undercover. She was to pose as a receptionist in America Online's HQ.

Jelly was quick to find out some new information

In Jelly's Own Words:

"I showed up for work dressed in my normal jeans and a top, using the alias 'Daniella Marshall'. I was completely unprepared for what I found. Everyone was blue-skinned, with 3 legs and 6 arms. And, worst of all, I was underdressed! Everyone else was in formal wear!

While I was there, I managed to find out that AIM receives roughly 50,000 complaints a day of spelling errors. I was told to direct all of these complaints to the 'Success!!!' pile. Praises were to go in the 'Worshiping' pile, and all other complaints were to be placed in the 'To Be Abducted' pile.

Worst of all was when I found the horrific file entitled "Really ebil plan to take over earth!"

It contained Details of their whole plan. At first they dumb us down by giving us lots of spelling errors. They then proceed to abduct humans and use human followers to kill all animals capable of stopping them take over earth. Then finally they attack. Humans, unable to read or write properly, would surely perish."

We can now answer our original questions:

Were they willing to stop at reading our messages secretly? No.

Are they really evil? If you call wanting to take over the world and making certain species of animals extinct to do so, I’d say yes.

Are they planning to take over the world? See above.

This horrible story has been brought to you at the cost of 3 hyper hours on AIM. You can choose whether to believe or not.