How to Make the Best Toast
Written by: ellamcumber
Recently I found myself pondering, 'Is there a better way to make and eat my toast?' I wanted the amazing satisfaction of truly enjoying my toast, the satisfying crunch, the sensation of dry, delicious bread tickling my taste buds...oh what has the world come to? Is a person prohibited from having a good piece of toast!
Should I toast the bread for longer, or for less? Crust or no crust? Butter or margarine? Or to make that choice even more puzzling, jam!
It was then, that the most amazing idea came into the very quiet and dusty area where my brain should really be. I was going to make the world's most amazing toast, so brilliant that it could bring about world peace, cure cancer and stop war lords in their tracks, with just one crunchy bite.
Now that's powerful toast.
Now to begin, I made a list of precise instructions, as to not cause some sort of galactic explosion or implosion, which could end life on planet earth as we know it.
1. Carefully pick up slice of bread. (Crust is optional.)
2. With the utmost care, place slice of bread in a reasonably good toaster.
3. Turn nob/push button, to set heat of toaster to 'Very Hot'.
4. Then turn nob/push button to switch your toaster on.
5. Then wait for a minute and a half or until your toast is golden... Whistle! Play with a Yo-Yo, or try and solve that Rubik's Cube you could never do whilst you wait.
6. Prepare for toast to fly into the abyss that is the air. Grabbing a plate and using it to catch the toast is advised.
7. After catching your skydiving toast, quickly grab a knife and the spread of your choice. Jam, butter, margarine--whatever tickles your fancy really. Do this while your toast is on the verge of melting through your plate.
Now that the difficult part was finished. Do you think the that toast could be perfect for me to eat now? Wrong.
I then had the almost impossible task of thinking about all the other factors:
1) Finding a drink.
2) Sprinting to the sofa.
3) Getting comfortable.
4) Switching on the TV.
5) Finding a half decent programme... AND THEN!
6) Eating my toast.
So then I thought, "Oh man, now how am I supposed to do that?"
It was then I had the epiphany that would forever change my life. I had only made the instructions on how to make the toast. You must be thinking, if I didn't make the toast yet, then why am I worrying about it now?! So I decided not to worry about it at all...and instead opted to make instructions for the world's most amazing sandwich!
ellamcumber is a toastoholic.
Pudding likes toast, so long as it's toasty.
WIS likes his toast with jam. He likes his icons with images from foucalt.blogspot.com
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