Letter to the President

Dear Mr. President,

My name is Okeydoke Artichokee. But you can call me OD. Not that I am odd. It's spelled differently, of course.

Anyway, I would like to remark on the color of the fine house you live in. White is nice... if you're boring. So I thought I'd make a list of designing techniques for you, since you (sorry) are obviously clueless.

1. POLKA DOTS, BABY. I'm seeing bright yellow on a sea of lime green for the outside of the house. Destroying the image of a landmark, you say? Sir, people need to remember land marks. A glimpse at a plain old white house isn't going to stick in someone's memory. Having their eyesight scarred for life, however... that's likely to be a memory they shall cherish forever.

2. Sir, at election time, I saw you sitting in your boring old living room on television. PSHAW! Beige is so not the new black. Go with some vibrant reds! I'm seeing a disco ball on the ceiling... not one of those crap 15 bucks one, we're talking stealing the one from a roller disco place. I'm also seeing some of those newfangled bean bag thingies... hanging from the ceiling around the disco ball! Dude. What's more fun than breaking your neck while enjoying the sensation of height sickness? Honestly.

3. I bet your kitchens are really ugly, with pots hanging from the ceiling and ucky rusty stoves. Here's my suggestion: build a water slide as a conveyor belt and dishwasher for your pots and pans. Seriously - doesn't everyone want to play in their own dishwasher? Or play a practical joke on your family - go down the slide face first when the water is soapy - they'll think you have rabies! It'd be rather funny, after the screaming and hysterics and that kind of stuff.

So, Mr. President, I hope you take my ideas into mind. I'm pretty sure most people will agree with me when I say that White House design needs major improvements.

Well, I have to go videotape my socks now. Have a nice day!

Your friend,

Okeydokee Artichokee