What Not To Do
Written by: Moongewl
I'm old. And by "old" I mean "out of high school." Looking back, I realized that I spent four years of my life sitting in a chair and doodling while my teachers introduced me to many thrilling concepts such as binomials and the temporal void known as state testing. In a desperate attempt to keep those years from lacking any meaning whatsoever, I have culled my brain for some decent advice to pass on to those of you still in that black hole where reality has only the loosest grip on the situation.
Without further ado, here are ten things you should not do in a classroom setting.
DO NOT:
1) Make alterations to clothing currently on your body.
One day, a strange young girl decided to walk to school as part of an experiment. She wanted to see how long it would take to walk, compared to how long it took to catch the bus. In the end, walking took less time, but unfortunately she had decided to walk to school on the first rainy day in weeks. By the time she got to school, her jeans were soaked to above the knee, making them heavy and cold and squelchy when she walked. So she borrowed a pair of scissors and turned her jeans into shorts. It netted her weird looks from classmates, and a lot of explaining to her mother about why she ruined a perfectly good pair of jeans.
Moral of the story: clothing + scissors - common sense = bad.
2) Make cosmetic changes.
Putting on makeup in class not only shows contempt for the teacher, it makes you look vapid and shallow. There are other cosmetic changes that make you look even worse. I am guilty of this one, but it was actually a spur-of-the-moment haircut (in my defense, it was lunch and we were outside). The absolute worst infraction I have seen in this category was a nose piercing. It was dangerous--the girl getting the piercing could have easily gotten an infection--and if it had been reported, the teacher would have been fired. Unless you hate the teacher and do not mind infection, please avoid piercings in class.
3) Write negative comments about the class in the margin of your notes.
If, for whatever reason, you ever have to show your teacher your notes, he or she will not appreciate seeing "THIS CLASS BITES" written in big bold stick-lettering along the side. And though your teacher cannot directly take points off your grade for hating the class, you would be surprised at the creative methods teachers can employ for students they do not like.
4) Use sharp objects for anything besides their intended purpose.
I used to carry my cutting tool from Pottery around with me to use anytime I needed a random sharp object. That did not go over well with my other teachers, though they kindly elected to not have me expelled. It did not help that the tool wound up cutting a hole in my backpack and falling out.
5) Send text messages or use your cell phone in any way.
It is just rude. Almost the only reason (apart from extreme emergencies) to even touch your phone in class is to turn it off if it's very loudly informing you of an incoming call/message. In such an instance, you make the "Oh fudge!" face, dive for your phone, and turn it off as quickly as possible.
Oh, and do not even bother trying to use your phone under the desk. What you're doing is blatantly obvious.
6) Sleep.
Seriously. There may be times when you can do this (I know I slept through my study hall most days), but if the teacher's lecturing, it's a definite NO. And even if the teacher's not doing anything...well, we all know what a permanent marker in the hands of a classmate can do to a sleeping student's face, don't we?
7) Carry on loud conversations about private matters.
Okay, maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine, but ARRGH IF YOU YELL TO THE WHOLE CLASS THAT JENNA CHEATED ON KYLE I WILL SCREAM SO LOUD YOUR EYEBALLS WILL COME OUT THE BACK OF YOUR SKULL.
Ahem. I am sorry about that outburst. It is just really annoying when I hear people ten feet away from me gossiping at the top of their lungs. It is also annoying when this happens while a teacher is trying to explain to us what's going to be on the final exam. (Keep taking deep breaths...no more outbursts, or they will make me watch high school golf until my brain liquefies...)
8 ) Vandalize school property.
I am not talking about snapping pencils or writing "LB loves JN"-type graffiti on a desk. I'm talking about snapping chair legs off or carving the anarchy symbol on doors. Other acts of vandalism to avoid: breaking objects against your friends' heads, anything where you write your full name ("Who would have written 'JOHNNY ROBUSTUS WUZ HURR' on the wall?"), and smearing dark red dye on the floor. Trust me: if opportunities for such mayhem have not yet arisen in your life, you're probably not a veteran of an interesting high school.
9) Get in arguments.
90% of the time, these arguments are ridiculous. Don't bother arguing with other people about whether poodles are fluffy or fuzzy because it will not matter at the end of class. The other 10% of the time, you are trying to correct the teacher. No teacher likes to be corrected, so do not tell a teacher he is wrong. Just tell the other students he is wrong.
10) Refuse to pass.
This is probably the single biggest problem I had to overcome in high school. I would hate a teacher, or I would hate their stupid system of notebook-making (notebooks are still on my list of top ten time-wasters), and I would simply stop trying.
Finally, I realized that you don't beat the system by refusing to play. That just gets you sent back to the beginning. You beat the system by doing well in spite of the system. Barring that, you beat the system by exploiting glitches and gliding through the class with minimal effort.
There you have it: sound advice from a girl whose nickname is "Princess Rowdypants." With these tips, you may or may not be able to avoid some of the random mistakes I remember making.
Moongewl is extremely prone to explosion. Do not touch, feed, or taunt her. If you see her on the street, please notify Animal Control immediately. Do NOT go near her unless you like the smell of dead cephalopod.
Skynetmainwas a model high school student liked by all of his teachers. He never did anything from one through ten, but he did ruin a few textbooks...
Pudding is...wait, we let Pudding do an icon? Why? Well, she obviously didn't learn how in school.
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