Ten Step Guide to Writing Articles

Written by: Lillie

Step One: Sit down with paper and pen before you. Begin doodling. Colour the doodles when the paper is filled. Mount the paper and display on your wall.

Step Two: Get a TV guide and highlight all the shows you want to watch, the shows you won't mind watching when you've finished watching the ones you like and the shows you hate but are still willing to watch when the rest is over. Use different highlighters to colour code the shows. Then watch the show.

Step Three: Pick a random CD and learn all the lyrics off by heart. Continue to learn all the lyrics for the rest of your CD collection. If you run out of CDs, turn on the radio.

Step Four: Sort out your clothes by colour. Suggested order: colours of the rainbow. If you want to know where the odd colours (brown, black, white, pink, e.t.c.) go, get your hands on any pack of coloured pens or pencils and follow that order.

Step Five: Alphabetically categorize your books, canned soup and anything else that can be categorized alphabetically.

Step Six: Do household chores. Wash shirts, pants, dresses, skirts, skirts, handkerchiefs, underwear, ribbons, hair-ties, ties, socks, towels, scarves, sweaters, sweatshirts, ski jackets, suits, jackets, coats and woollen hats regardless of seasons. Vacuum floors, carpets, walls and ceilings. Clean your windows, lights, ornaments and your neighbour's house.

Step Seven: Do your homework or job-related work. If you have none, make something up.

Step Eight: Make up your own language, complete with abbreviations, past, present and future tenses, auxiliary verbs and a proper grammar structure in general. Create a history for the development of the language as well.

Step Nine: Learn how to balance books on your head while walking. Find out how many times you can throw a candy in the air and catch it with your mouth without choking. Try to break the world record for something, like standing on one leg.

Step Ten: Panic. Put one hand over your eyes and jab randomly at the screen with the other. Create an article from the random word(s). Alternatively, write a column based on the process of writing an article. You've got all the material you need.

Parting Advice: Follow this ten step guide to writing articles and your life overall will improve. You will be up-to-date with all the latest shows and music, be on good terms with your mother regarding chores, be considered diligent at work or school, improve your artwork, be in the Guinness World Records, be noted for your ability to do a lot of strange things, and most importantly of all, you will never lack material. Enjoy!

If you really want professonal advice on writing, my advice would be to ask the real professionals for tips. Not being one myself, that's the best I can tell you.